To be in a relationship with a man from another nation has it's advantages. Even though we both are from western countries there differences and one thing that can make it difficult is the language. I have no problem to socialize with his friends and family because I speak the language. But when it comes up to my family it's a bit different.
Today we went to see my sister competing in a Horse Show. Afterwards my uncle picked him up to drive some of the furniture over to our place and than they came back to meet us at a greek restaurant for dinner. My uncles english is poor but he tries to communicate. My dad's english even worse. Mom's is fairly good at it, my sisters had english in school but never really practice it, my sisters boyfriend english is pretty good. My dad tries to talk to my husband even though his English is very limited but at least he talks to him and usually they do involve him but today he was kind of left out and it must have been very hard for him to listen to all that German. My husbands German is as good as my Dad's English and just not good enough to have a conversation but my Dad simply uses hand signs to describe anything and everything. A word here and there and it kind of works.
I brought it up that they should speak at least a little to him and one of my sisters said that he could learn German. Yeah, right he could but he can't speak it so what's the point of him listening to something that he can't understand? Actually I feel sorry and a little ashamed because he is sitting there and no one is talking to him. It is not because they don't like him. Actually my family loves him but it makes it really hard for him if they speak in German only. I translate most of the stuff but it is kind of hard to actually translate everything that is being said. It is a social event and he just shouldn't be left out.
It was great to see my mother, dad, both of my sisters and us on one table. It's been so long that we've all actually sat at one table and I know they did not mean to leave him out. They love him dearly and he is welcomed in my family. Hell, they wouldn't help us the way they do if they didn't like him. It would be just nice to talk to him about something which would actually help a lot. I don't know what I'd feel like if it was the other way around.
What are your thoughts on it? Have you've ever been in such a situation? I know they love him but the language thing is a barrier.
7 comments:
remember that you are just newlymarried! And that to learn a language take time, to learn a culture is the same, it just take time, so my advice.
Be patient, Both of you! I was blessed to have a husband who know the French language, but when I first moved to the States and even though I had 12 years of English at school, I had issue speaking it or understanding my inlaw. Even now, 17 years later, I still have issue with the language, and worse, since I don't speak French except with my mother on the phone (mostly) I lose it, and search for my words in French.
I remember translating for my friends who came to France, and it use to give me HUGE headache. So... just be patient and remember that you love him, he loves you, and that he still is learning when around german speaking even if he isn't participating!!
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Do you mean I should be more patient with my family, or more patient with him? It was more about my family because they left him out yesterday. I know they didn't mean to be rude and probably didn't even realize that he felt left out. It is kind of hard when one doesn't speak the language at all and only half the people are good enough to have somewhat of a conversation.
I know what you mean with translations giving you a headache and about losing the language. Do you know that when you want to say something but all you have is the english word that is popping in and you have to concentrate to get the german (in your case the french)?
Or when you say something in your language and close the sentence with the english word?
Ha, trackback didn't work I guess, soooo go over to my blog and get what you deserve! ;)
xoxo
After 11 years, my dad still barely talks to my husband. It's not he doesn't like him, they just have nothing in common and he doesn't speak english at all. My husbands german is poor too. My mom is talking to him and thinks he'll understand everything and poor hubby just nodds and asks me afterwards what she said.
I know he feels sometimes left out but also knows it's his fault that after 11 years being in Germany he still doesn't speak it properly. And I'm the worst teacher.ever.
Yah, I hear you. I feel the same way, that I am the worst teacher ever. Actually I did not even start to teach him any German as of yet because it is easier to speak in english for the both of us. Sometimes he surprises me with some stuff like "Gute Nacht mein Schatz". But that is about it.
We have one year left in Germany so I am not sure if he actually can learn that much in a limited timeframe and he sure has to worry about other stuff than learning another language as of right now.
I have a similar situation - except I'm on the other side of the coin. My husband is Mexican and a good part of his family lives in Mexico. I know some very basic Spanish but am not very good with my verbal communication (I can read and write better!) With him in the military and us living a 24 hour drive away - we have only been twice in our 6 year marriage.
He is not very good at all with translating, not that he can't, but that he just doesn't, well at least not a lot only what is really needed. So I commend greatly for taking the time to translate what you do for him.
However, the more you translate the less either him or your family will learn. In a way I guess it is good that my husband doesn't translate every word. Since they live in Mexico I can't expect them to learn English, so my learning Spanish is very important (and very slow right now unfortunately).
Try to be patient with your husband and your family. Your husband living in Germany really should take that extra step to learn as much German as possible. I completely understand him hearing thing but not knowing what they mean - like what's the point right? There are times I hear words in Spanish and I know I have heard it before, but can't for the life of me remember what it means.
The best way for him to learn is to speak nothing but German with him. It'll be frustrating at first but you really have to use it or you will lose it. Another thing is that the military has access to Rosetta Stone - for free! He can learn more doing that too.
As a courtsey your family could try to learn and speak at least the basics but just like my husband's family in Mexico - why should they be forced to learn a new language just because I'm there.
Good luck and let me know how it goes!
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